Here to Stay: Heero and Relena :: FIN
by Amarisa
Summary: Relena muses about her life since the war before she is to attend a ball.


Here to Stay Countess De La Moon  
  
Another birthday, wonderful... A birthday where no one and everyone would be included. And the worst part, I was back in school. Back in Saint Gabrielle's, back in the place where I grew up, back in the popularity and the foolish wishes and admiration. Tonight a grand party will be held, celebrating my twenty-first birthday, my legality. I am now able to go to more places, and do more things; I am now able to legally have alcohol; I am now no longer a minor; I am now more sought after than before.  
  
Now I sat, on the seat by the window, staring at the pouring rain. The tears for the newfound peace that, excluding death, was far worse than the war itself. More pain, more suffering was being caused; suffering that no longer had the excuse of war, but the excuse of humanity itself. It made me sick. How I longed for the days of war again. How I longed for the thrill it brought, for the sense of danger in being stuck in the middle of it all, for the friendships it produced. Now those friendships were billions of miles away and each tear I cried was reflected in the drops of rain plummeting to the ground.  
  
My first burgundy dress, which was now a few sizes too small, lay folded on the bed, and my new one I had on now. Although one could not call it new since it was a few years old and a little small as well. I had certainly grown over the years, both mentally and physically. At the moment I awaited the paperwork that was to be given to me by my superiors. Yes, my superiors, the school board, I am back in school. Even though I am now of age, I am no longer needed and was discarded like the soldiers of war. A Vice Foreign Minister was not needed in a time of total peace, and I say good riddance. Now I am able to live a normal life, as best I can anyway.  
  
"Lady Relena," a timid voice asked from the door to my bedroom.  
  
"Yes, what is it?"  
  
"Here are the papers you requested."  
  
"Thank you," I answered, rising to my feet and walking to receive the package from my classmate's hands.  
  
"Once again, it was good to have you back."  
  
"It was good to be back," I lied. I certainly didn't want to be here, I never did; I wanted to be away from everything and back in my life of chaos. Well, not exactly chaos, but I didn't want to be followed everywhere and worrying on whether or not I am going to be assassinated today. Life sucks. A friend of mine once stated that he fights so his loved ones don't have to. One: my loved ones are far away. Two: my loved ones were the ones fighting. So now I stand and contemplate his words. Did he mean 'fight' as in fighting in the war of AC 195 and AC 197, or did he mean 'fight' as in fighting in the war of emotions and life itself? I don't know. Another friend of mine said that he thinks 'the only way to live a good life is to act on your emotions'. If only I could. But how can I when I can't even see them? I know now that I have been blinded by my ideal world and forgot what it is really like to live. Now I try to do that, but it gets harder and harder with every day that passes. I am constantly surrounded by the past and I will never be able to forget what has happened. Who can? The ferocious and terrible acts committed by sick, deranged, and ingenious individuals will go down in infamy. The many lives lost to those leaders and martyrs and soldiers will never be forgotten. To this day they continue to commemorate their souls, be them courageous or cowardly.  
  
This is where my thoughts turn back to my friends as my gaze drifts to the window again. The rain is pouring harder than ever, it is as if Mother Nature herself is lamenting the loss of all her children, and all the children that never had a childhood and were never able to have a chance to live. It is such a shame. My friends, who fought the hardest in the wars, who fought to give others a chance at peace and at life, where obligated to live a life without true happiness, without a childhood that so many others took for granted.  
  
I hear the laughter of prosperity and joy in the lower floors and my eyes travel to look at the rug beneath my feat. Almost as if I can see through the many layers of flooring I scowl at all the carefree smiles and laughs. How can someone, who claims they are generous and giving, be so indifferent and uncaring and ignorant, and even arrogant, to the world around them. Those who have all the riches, or are at least well off, in the world are only greedy and selfish, and the attendants and inhabitants of this school were no exception. If I could give up everything I had to those who needed it dearly and start from scratch I would. Alas, it is not to be; society would not permit it and all I would accomplish is more unwanted publicity.  
  
Wanting so badly to spat at the floor my frown deepens and I turn sharply on my heel and head for the bathroom. Perhaps I can sooth my nerves with a calming bath before festivities begin. I have a few hours yet to get ready for my 'Coming of Age Birthday Bash.' Truthfully, if I had it my way I would be sitting at home, curled up in my favorite armchair by the fire, sipping a hot cup of tea or cocoa, reading a good book, watching the rain fall, and letting life pass me by, untouched by all its hardships and turmoil, not having a care in the world. Granted, I would want some visitors, but I had a strong suspicion that few would show up. Most are either too busy or unreachable, and if I could reach them, there was that matter about them wanting to come and visit me or not.  
  
Running the water I sigh and slip out of my restraining clothes and into the soothing liquid. Steam rises out of the large tub, which seems more like a hot-tub than a regular bathtub, and off my arms as I stroke my figures over the surface delicately. I sigh again almost blissfully as the warm water relaxes my sore muscles. I open my eyes but my frown remains, only now I am frowning at the school's morals. No matter what body type you are, no matter how painful it may be, they force you to wear restricting uniforms that limit the imagination from admirers or those of the opposite sex. 'It is this way to release sexual tension between peers and make everyone equal in each other's point of view,' is the school board's response. Idiots. They enforced this new rule not long after I left the first time; it's degrading to the human body and warps it from its original form, forcing it to take the shape it wasn't built for. There are countless girls in the school who suffer from back pains and chest pains because they have no room to grow and from tension building up in their bodies with no where to go. The only relief they get is at night and on the weekends and vacations, when they are able to relieve themselves from the pain and tightness and go as they were intended. Of course they are still restricted to certain choices of clothing, and usually have to wear something such as a vest or a coat or sweaters overtop their clothing. The only other time would be grand celebrations and balls, when the dress was designed a certain way and there was nothing the school board could do about it. They chose it to be like that, they chose to give the students a little bit of freedom, but it was only for one night, and events such as that were few and far between.  
  
I sigh again as I grab the bar of soap and begin to run it over my body. If I weren't restricted as other girls are, if I were allowed to wear what I wanted when I wanted, I would have admirers lined up at my door and stalking me. I'm nearly to the point where my blouses are barely able to close and it's beginning to hurt. When vacation times finally come and I am able to return to my home, I always try to wear the loosest fitting clothing that I can find. I chuckle as I grab for my scented shampoo, dabbing a little onto my hand in the process. If only my dear brother could see me now, if only he could see how I've grown from his baby sister into a woman, he would have a heart attack where he stood.  
  
Sinking further into the water I let out a soft moan and close my eyes, letting the heat of the liquid seep into my aching joints and bones, relieving the soreness in my muscles and relaxing even the tiniest bit of me. It is then that a thought strikes me; I have made up all my classes that I missed during the wars and the times when I was Vice Foreign Minister and finished the rest that was required for a girl of my stature. Not only is tonight a celebration of my reaching adulthood, but also my departure from this retched school. This will be my last night at St. Gabielle's, they can do nothing to me, and what's more, they can't touch me.  
  
An evil grin crosses my face as I slip out of the water and wrap a towel around my slim frame. Padding my way out of my bathroom and towards my closet, knowing full well that anyone could see in with the drapes open the way they are, I open the doors and pull out a revealing gown that even the school board would forbid at balls and parties. The back was completely bare, and there was a big gaping hole where the belly would be, going all the way from a few inches below the mid-drift to just below the chest area. The sides of the hole met at about inch thick fabric straps that separated the back from the front and held the gown together. It had thin spaghetti straps that tied around the neck to further complete the bare back and wasn't at all puffy and full, yet it wasn't completely straight either. It came down to about a few inches above my knees, showing off my legs perfectly, and was a soft tan color, almost matching my hair.  
  
"Well, this is my party after all," I say to myself. "I should be able to wear whatever I want." I smile and grab a few extra necessities for the dress and then return to the bathroom and shut the door.  
  
About an hour later I emerge from the bathroom completely dressed and ready to go. My makeup is lightly applied to only certain areas of my face and I have lip-gloss on instead of lipstick to make my lips appear fuller and shinier. My hair has been tied back into a simple high ponytail and my bangs are flowing freely across my forehead. There are tiny diamond earrings dangling from my ears and a small diamond chocker to match. With one look in the full-length mirror I nearly whistle myself; yes, the school was going to kill me for a stunt like this, but after tonight I would be gone from this imprisonment they call a school. I glance at my bed and smile; there lay my release papers I had brought up to me along side my packed bags. Tomorrow I will show them to the proper authorities and then walk right out of the building, never once looking back. And to think, when I first arrived I was happy; I was happy to be returning to a life I once knew, I was happy to be a normal teenage girl again. Now by the time I get far enough away I'll be whooping for joy because I'm finally leaving the despicable place. How I managed to get through all these years I'll never know. Quite frankly it was boring, I wanted the excitement I once had. I wanted...  
  
Shaking my head I toss the thought out the window. No matter how much I wished it would never happen anyway. Besides, I'm not as naive as I was before. I know now when to stop, and I know now what I did wrong. I promised myself a long time ago I wasn't about to repeat the same mistakes twice. No more calling out names in dire situations, no more longing for something I can't have, no more pining for someone who threatens my life, no more going through other people's property, no more being childish. Straightening my back I nod confidently at my reflection in the mirror, I am a grown woman now and it's high time I acted like one.  
  
Taking a deep breath I walk towards the door and open it. The festivities have already started, and what's a party without the guest of honor? Grinning inwardly I walk towards the ballroom and to the stop at the stairs, where I pause. Everyone in the room looks up at me and gawks. Perfect; the exact response I was aiming for. The teachers are infuriated but I don't care. There are whistles sounding from admiring gentlemen and boys and whispers already spreading like wildfire. I smile politely and thank everyone who came, then slowly make my way down the steps.  
  
My eyes continue to skim the room to see all the looks of surprise, and some of longing and desire. Good, just what I wanted. Finally, they will notice me for what I should be, not what the school wanted me to be. Then I catch a glimpse of brown and yellow. Quatre and Trowa are standing towards one of the corners far way, smiling at me with sparkling eyes. I look further into the crowd and spot Duo grinning at me from ear to ear before giving an earsplitting whistle of a catcall and waving. Wufei is another far corner with Sally Po, Lady Une and Mariemaia and Milliardo and Noin are in the yet another corner of the room. I grin and almost laugh when I see the look on my brother's face. He really does look like he's about to have a heart attack. So much so, in fact, that Noin is handing him extra glasses of champagne and patting him on the back, saying reassuring words to him to calm him down. I don't know what I'd do without that woman around to tame my brother. Returning my smile to that of politeness I look down to the bottom of stairway to make sure I don't bump into anyone as I descend. Instead of finding the path clear or crowded with people, I see a large space with a person standing in front of it, waiting for me patiently at the bottom. My eyes lock with deep, intense blue ones and I know in an instant it is you.  
  
What surprises me is your eyes are not hard and cold as they normally are; instead they are warm, almost smiling even if your face isn't, and contain some other minute spark that I never thought I'd ever see in you. Other than that you are exactly the way I remembered you; your hair is as disheveled as ever and your face remains unyielding, though a little warmer than before. In these last few years you've even grown a few extra inches to add height to your well built frame, which, I must admit, even though the simple tuxedo, that really isn't a tuxedo at all, you look as good as ever and I find myself beginning to drool all over again. Smiling slightly you hold your hand out to me once I reach the bottom of the steps as if to escort me. As I take it in mine, you lean down and kiss it gently, barely brushing your lips against my skin, before looking up at me warmly. It is then that I know you are here to stay. 


End file.
